30+ of the Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (August 21, 2025)

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  • 01
    Hollie Harris @allholls Aug 19 . Parenting isn't hard enough. Let's make clothing sizes vary drastically by brand. -manufacturers of kids' clothing
  • 02
    SARCASTIC Sm MOMMY Sarcastic ... @sarcastic... 29m ... Nothing says romance like your spouse yelling from the bathroom, "Can you bring me some toilet paper?"
  • 03
    DADMANN UNIXTER Dadman W... @dadmann... 19h • ... you know what my favorite part of being an adult is? Cleaning the 37 times a day. It's the BEST. kitchen
  • 04
    Hollie Harris @allholls 4h . ... The only bad part about both of my kids being back in school now is that I can't blame any lack in productivity or getting stuff done on them anymore.
  • 05
    Dadman W... @dadmann... ·5h ... DADMANN Teens are self-sufficient, but their dating drama? That's now your new full- time stress headache.
  • 06
    Super Human Aut... @in....18h today i asked my son what he wanted ... for his birthday. he turns 19 at the end of the month. he said he wants to spend the day with me. yeah i think i'm doing ok
  • 07
    Lil Bit @LizerReal. Aug 19 My 8yo: How do you use bear spray? ... My 10yo: You just spray it on your body like bug spray Me: WAIT NOOOOO BEAR BEY BEAR DETERRENT/REPULSIFA SHOTGUN BLAST PATTERN EFFET DECLA 5 to 8 metre range / d'une por PRESSURIZED PRODUCT/PRODU RESTRICTED/RES Active Ingredient: Capsaicin 0.98%/Pr Related Capsaicinolds 0.84%/Capssion REGISTRATION NO. 27382 PEST CO NO. D'HOMOLOGATION 27382 LOI SUR LES READ THE LABEL BEFOR LIRE L'ETIQUETTE AVANT WARNING/AVERTISS IRRITANT
  • 08
    One Awkwar... @oneawk... · Aug 19 My 7yo is trying to do schoolwork while my two youngest play in the same room and he says, "Mom you don't understand how hard it is to think with all this noise!" Nope, can't imagine what that's like.
  • 09
    Hollie Harris @allholls Aug 19 Parenting isn't hard enough. Let's make clothing sizes vary drastically by brand. -manufacturers of kids' clothing
  • 10
    DADMANN WALKING Dadman ... @dadman... Aug 19 • ... 10: dad why is school for 5 days and then not for only 2 days? me: cause work is the same way 10: well I think it's stupid
  • 11
    Big, Bad Caffeinate... @... · Aug 18 Me: Ok buddy, time for bed. 10: Ok Dad. Hey, in Star Wars, how did the Clone Wars start? Me: Nice try, I know you're stalling so I'll only take 45mins to explain this...
  • 12
    Hollie Harris @allholls Aug 18 ... 8yo: Only the queen gets to do that. Husband: Who's the queen? 8yo: Mom, of course.
  • 13
    • One Awkwar... @oneawk... Aug 18 My kids charged me a million dollars for a pretend tire change on my car. In this economy? Honestly, sounds about right.
  • 14
    meghan @deloisivete • Aug 18 ... I am once again requesting a school dropoff line for parents who know how to drive
  • 15
    Rodney Lac... @Rod La... Aug 18 ... . My teen shut location sharing off on her phone and now I have to call my mom and apologize for causing her crippling anxiety every night from 1978-1987.
  • 16
    One Awkwar... @oneawk... • Aug 17 Sorry we're late, my toddler would only get dressed in his green pants this morning. He doesn't have any green pants.
  • 17
    redyellowgreend... @RY... Aug 17 . 9: "Mommy, I think you're like God because you created me." Um, duh. ...
  • 18
    • Daddy Go Fi... @daddygof... Aug 17 ... If you wanna know what marriage is like my wife ordered 60 pairs of shoes online and now we're using my truck to return 58 of them.
  • 19
    Lil Bit @LizerReal • Aug 17 My 8yo is playing Barbies with a friend. But apparently her Barbies "keep murdering" the other girl's Barbies... Ope.
  • 20
    Late to the pa... @ericam... • Aug 17 Me: Did you enjoy your food? ... Miss 11: Yes I liked it. It didn't really have any flavour but I liked it.
  • 21
    Rodney Lac... @Rod La... Aug 16 • ... Me: I listened to Eminem for my entire run today. Wife: How far did you go? Me: 8 mile. Wife: Me: Wife: [leaving room]
  • 22
    SARCASTIC Sm MOMMY Sarcastic... • @sarcasti... Aug 16 ... You can either have a nice family game night or you can play Monopoly. But you cannot have both.
  • 23
    meghan @deloisivete • Aug 16 ... Oregon Trail but it's just my kids packing all their worldly possessions for a 10 minute car ride across town
  • 24
    DADMANN WALKING Dadman ... • @dadman... Aug 16 ... My 12 yo just told me that the pumpkin Reese's has "too much peanut butter". He has been returned to Goodwill.
  • 25
    krista @kristabellerina • Aug 16 I used to take my niece to Starbucks for a treat when she was little and now she takes her kids to Starbucks for a treat and the circle is complete.
  • 26
    ... Ousa Medu... @MedusaO... ·Aug 16 Your kid isn't broken. They're a teenager now. They're supposed to be miserable while doing anything fun.
  • 27
    Hollie Harris @allholls Aug 15 • ... In a rush to get home, my 8yo got frustrated by a driver in front of us and said, "Move, slow bozo!" and "Speed up, grandma!" I told him to be nice, and he replied, "Well you always say stuff like that when people are driving too slow."
  • 28
    Rodney Lac... @RodLa... .Aug 15 I tell the kids that if they ever get lost to just find an Amazon truck and follow it because there's a pretty good chance it's coming to our house.
  • 29
    Late to the pa... @ericam... • Aug 15 Once upon a time a woman could find everything. She had a child and could never find anything ever again. The end.
  • 30
    meghan @deloisivete · Aug 14 • my 7yo: moooom I can't find the lego piece I need me: my 7yo: never mind I found it *repeat every 2 minutes* ...
  • 31
    SARCASTE SM MOMMY Sarcastic... @sarcasti... .Aug 13 Welcome back to school. Please enjoy the complimentary virus starter pack.
  • 32
    Hollie Harris @allholls Aug 14 • Having one kid in school, and the other not starting until next week is like having one sock on when you really want to take them both off.
  • 33
    Daddy Go Fi... @daddygof... Aug 14 10yo: my new PE teacher has huge muscles! me: so he's strong like me? 10yo: ... this is no time for dad jokes. ...
  • 34
    Simon ... @simonch... Aug 14 • Are dads still allowed to get cool haircuts or do we just stick with what we've got? ...

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